Vicariously

I live vicariously through my children.

There, I said it.

Moms and dads aren’t supposed to do that, some parenting experts say. But I’m not ashamed to say that my greatest joys are my children’s joys, and my worst heartaches are their heartaches.

I suppose what the parenting experts mean is that we shouldn’t heap our individual hopes, dreams and expectations on children and not let them live their own lives. But what’s wrong with getting a kick out of children laughing, playing and having fun? Or sharing in their happiness when they ace a test, kick a soccer goal or land a job?

I suppose my tendency to live vicariously is part of the reason I love photography. I can capture a moment and make it last longer, reliving that moment by just looking at a picture. In a way, that’s living vicariously.

But it’s also immensely satisfying to watch progress over time, to see kids gradually grow in their unique talents and interests – to become the one-of-a-kind persons God intended them to be.

And I not only live vicariously through my own children, but through others as well. Even people I don’t know personally.

One of my favorite vacation memories was a vicarious one, when my family was at a water park which had a 4-D theater showing of “SpongeBob SquarePants.” Seated near us was a group of college guys, being silly and having the time of their lives. They knew every word of the SpongeBob theme song and sang loudly and proudly. They laughed uproariously and interacted with the cartoon, especially during the 4-D special effects, when a pirate spit and sprayed the audience or when we could feel the movie's rats scurrying under our chairs. The young men’s antics had me remembering what it was like to be their age, to have that kind of fun, and I loved every minute of it.

And isn’t being a sports fan all about living vicariously? We usually don’t know the players or coaches personally, but we become wrapped up in the excitement of their competition and become interested in their personal success. I know I really enjoyed living vicariously through Doug McDermott and the Creighton University men's basketball team this past season. And I know thousands of others did, too.

There’s nothing wrong with taking on others’ happiness or suffering. It’s the Christian thing to do.

Sometimes I hear Catholics refer to “entering into” someone’s joy or pain. Jesus certainly entered into our all our experiences, our human condition – not vicariously, but in a very real way. We can’t enter into anyone’s life the way our Lord can, but we should share in each other’s joy or grief.

When we feel something of what a person is going through, it helps us be more compassionate.

God created us to be this way.

He made us to live as one, in Him.

Inspired by the Year of Faith, Susan Szalewski began writing weekly columns for us. Although that year is over, we liked them so well that we asked her to keep writing. Thankfully, she said yes. So watch for these on Thursdays and see the Year of Faith Blog here.